Dear Wifey:

I don't really know how to tell you this, but I dislike you. I think I realized it that night as you ate enchiladas
and I saw you castrate the crazy monk. I'm sure you're ashamed enough to understand that Santa doesn't exist. I'm returning the cut toenails to you, but I'll keep my virginity as a memory. You should also know that I always wanted to break our friendship.

Good luck on your short-term leave from jail,
Hilz

[link]